Germany: 6

Runk with Drussians

[Part 2]

 

We were buzzin by the lakeside outside of Munich. Hell yea. So meet Paige, who’s stepdad was also on the trip, she’s hott – real hott. I wasn’t even tryin to mess with her, maybe it was kuz those 7 or 8 girls from that Christian school I was messin with or having a girlfriend back in the states, who knows.

 

After much review of my morals, I think it was because the other fellows were trying to get with her. It was a rotisserie roast, every now and then we’d have to “turn the paige”.

 

Paige 1 – my roommate, Paige 2 – her bff, Paige 3 – Not me, tryin get w/ her while drunk doesn’t put me in the book, maybe in the index or appendix. Fuck that, I wanna be the bookmark, all between the Paige.

 

Yeh I was definitely tryin to be all over that trick. But she was like:

Nigga fuck that, fuck that Nigga

            Maybe the groping aggrevated her. Now before to conclusions about what she said --- HAAAH I was drunk. The Neofolklore doesn’t take that talk! Are you a fucking ass?

 

What happens when you mix Vodka, Redbull, hott white chick and a hard rap song.

 DRUNK NIGGA FIGHT!

            I NFL SMACKED THAT BITCH. It’s a karate move: Neofolklore SMACK. It can be used in conjuction with a Neofolklore Backhand, Neofolklore Kick and so on. If you do not understand that NFL is NeoFolkLore for short then you are an ignorant nigga. More about you later.

 

            SNOW HO threw a stick at me! I didn’t actually SEE the stick I just knew it was there. The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. PUT THAT IN MEMORY! There are known knowns and known unknowns muthafucka. Say it I was impailed by a known unknown how was I gonna prove that!

 

            My recollection of this drunk night is all fragmented, but I still knew it was a stick. She ran to the lake, jumped in, and came out with something in her hand. If my name wasn’t Neo I might not have dodged it so effectively. Bring out the slow-mo whenever needed.

 

            It was only two days later I found out she was singing a song. Normally I wouldn’t have cared, mighta sung with her.

Germany: 4

Why you don’t wear Axe in Cologne.

 

            Out of all my travels across that land, no place had more dykes than this WONDERFUL city. The dykes didn’t make it wonderful. They ruined it. Koln (the “o” has an umlaut over it) pronounced cologne was the most ~diverse~ city there. I mean, seriously, I wasn’t the only black person in germany anymore!

“ZOMG teh NEOFOLKLORE ist negro!” that warrants an NFL slap, scroll down to previous entries where my picture just might be.

            For once there’s a city where the dark skinned people didn’t ghetto it up! That’s one plus on europe’s black people. Fellow american’s, is there a major development where the black people don’t act stereotypical? Go down that one street u normally avoid and then come tell me. Bet its not like that in Europe, especially in Koln.

            It wasn’t the black people that turned me off of that city, it was definitely the dykes. They.were.all.so.pretty! Yet gay. Which does nothing for me.

            Another thing that SHOULD have turned me off was the BIG ASS TEMPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. Of course we live in the unholy age of mega-churches… but even in holy age of 1100 AD you didn’t need churches THIS LARGE. This is even past the magnificent word “CATHEDRAL”. The only word that describes this is BACH.

“BIG ASS CHURCH HOUSE”

 

 

            This CHUNK of architecture could not fit into my disposable camera! I tried every angle! But I just could >not< fit that BACH into the view! Frikken viewfinderz, need me a wide angle LENZ! When there’s a problem.. there always a solution~~ a lightbulb clicked in my head. My ingenious idea was to strategically – I NFL SLAPPED SOME RANDOM DYKETT and took her photographic device. It was okay. She ran. It wasn’t far bkuz that guy fell on her.

 

            Now don’t get me wrong, I think that church cathedral was pretty damn awesome! But here’s why it SHOULD have turned me off. “HEY TOURISTS! DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN RUN ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP OF THE CHURCH!? CAN SEE THE ENTIRE CITY!”

             It sounded like a good idea. At the time. Lets re-analyze this.

 

 
            Now scroll up. See the size of the man in comparison? THAT’S A LONG WAY. Does the obelisk in Washington DC have >ANYTHING< on these stairs to heaven? I really don’t think so. It wasn’t comfortable. The spiral staircase weren’t built to any regulations, not by the mighty US of muthafuckin A’s standards. They were skinny. Of course I fit up them without any problem, but IM A MINORITY! Rofl, no I’m not talking about anymore racial stuff, I’m talking about being thin. The largely obese population of the US (hahaha largely obese, what irony) would have difficulty fitting in that staircase. Because it was used for ascent and descent, meaning there were people coming in both directions.

 Dear reader, don’t get offended, its just a fact: You won’t fit, this is the voice of experience.

 
THE HOLY TEMPLE’s STAIRCASE WAS DEFILED!

 

Think about that. I even added a diagram to explain the unnatural physics occurring with the graffiti within that staircase. Nobody is that tall. Why is the graffiti so high up. THAT DISTURBS ME. There must have been some insane acrobatics taking place in that churchwell. I cannot explain it, I am not going to try.

 

BUT WHEN YOU >THINK< YOU HAVE REACHED THE TOP.

Think again.

 

After reaching the spacious atrium in the sky you walk toward the center… where everyone else is going.. to find SURPRISE!

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 More stairs.

There were substantially less people walking down these stairs. Less oncoming traffic, what happened to everyone? OH I KNOW!!!

 

lol.

 

You could see the whole city, but it wasn’t that great, nothing but dykes on the streets.. and eventually I had to go back down.

 

In conclusion: that wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done.